I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everclear isn't food dammit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
