The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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