my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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