the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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