We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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