My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
