I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
