Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
