What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
