Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
