So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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