who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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