I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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