I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
