whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
