You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
