Swine flu. Run for my life!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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