JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
