On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
