You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
