I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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