can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
