I think scott just propositioned me for sex
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
