Just fell off a train. Bad.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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