Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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