I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
