my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
