it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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