Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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