The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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