She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
