My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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