If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who died my cat blue again?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
