the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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