shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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