4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
