I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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