i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
