My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this just has baby written all over it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think my moral compass just broke
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