He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there