Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.