I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
