oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize