i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
