It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
