I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize