Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
