Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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