everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
