Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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