why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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