Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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