Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
4 words: hood of his car
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
