my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
