i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
