I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
