So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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