You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
