I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
