I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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