Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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