Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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