her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's great music for shaving your balls
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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