Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
