I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
