she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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