And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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