I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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