I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
