You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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